Becoming a consistently good driver?

Discussion on Advanced and Defensive Driving.

Postby Kimosabe » Fri Jul 17, 2015 5:22 pm


You have already noticed changes and improvements in your abilities to do the things you've been discussing, so you must be doing something right. Rewarding positive behaviour is very important, so do something you enjoy (that's good for you), just for you and relate it to the work you're doing to help yourself. Might I also suggest that before engaging with any form of ongoing intervention with regard to this, that you first acknowledge and accept who you are, in this case while driving? It's not always necessary to be any different, unless you need to be and right now, you are who you are and that's good enough. There's your starting point. Be happy/ happier with who and how you are. Notice when and where you tend to overthink things and be patient with yourself.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes and to react and/or respond as you currently are. Just notice things you consider to be 'mistakes' and then notice how much value you give them. Perspective is everything. Notice how you respond to them, without interfering with them or berating yourself. Keeping a diary is a great way of helping yourself to reflect. This is to say that we all make mistakes that aren't necessarily related to any pattern of behaviour and while it's important to be aware of some of these patterns, in order to change them in part or as a whole, they need to be acknowledged in a healthy way ie not to be too harsh with ourselves for being who we are. Doing this may well lighten the load enough to give yourself some headroom, in which to develop new ways or entire patterns of doing some things. So be very gentle and patient with yourself, as i'm sure you are with others when they make mistakes. To err is human, after all.

Right, that's said. So the eventual outcome you want from this, is to be more relaxed, less anxious and more focussed. It may well be possible and just a matter of time, so don't rush into this, as doing so might well exacerbate any anxiety or negative processes that already exist. Small incremental and natural changes often have positive knock-on effects in other areas of life and personality. Be patient, tolerant and most of all notice and reward yourself for getting it right.

That's a good and healthy starting point. The rest will follow in its own order and of its own volition because you're creating the space for it to exist. Can you see how lightly and gently this can be worked into your everyday life?

Now don't forget to keep that diary upto date. Just write it all down as it come out. There's no right or wrong way to do that.

You do not have to answer this: May I ask who it was that diagnosed your anxiety disorder? Not their name, just their position relative to your own. What qualified them to diagnose an anxiety disorder and what did they suggest you do about it?
A wise man once told me that "it depends". I sometimes agree.
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Postby TerryTibbs » Thu Jul 23, 2015 11:35 pm


trashbat wrote:My OH is a cognitive behavioural therapist dealing, amongst other things, with clients that have anxiety disorders, so it's a familiar pattern :)

Planning is obviously helping you, and I use Street View in advance too to reduce the chances of driving endlessly past the destination. I still suggest you dip your toes in the practical 'what ifs' of being underprepared or getting lost, in a loosely controlled way (i.e. maybe not on the way to catch a flight!) just to experience for real that the outcomes aren't actually that disastrous.


Have had a think about what you've said and subsequently been just chucking myself in the deep end a bit this week :D Rather, the more shallow part of the deep end to start with. Had a few somewhat unfamiliar journies this week - as in, I knew roughly where I was going but didn't know the route on the whole, just remembered roughly where the destinations were from the past way before I was a driver so was unfamiliar with a lot of the roads - and I thought, you know what, I'll test my ability to just deal with things as they come by relying on road signs and so on. Did pretty well, wasn't any panic there or anything. Was incredibly nervous before I set off but once I got going I was fine, kept telling myself I have the ability and knowledge to follow signs and markings to anticipate what's ahead, if I go the wrong way I'll just find a side road or a roundabout and turn back around, no problem. Not as if my SatNav hasn't gotten me lost in the past anyway :mrgreen:

As we've established it's of course better to plan ahead if you can, but I think once in a while I need to do things like this just to give myself confidence in the fact that I'm not going to get lost and never return home without my precious Sat Nav and I'm not 100% reliant on it, it's just there to make my life easier. Think a motorway journey without the aid of Google Maps or Sat Nav is on the cards soon, which I can't see being more difficult than a more local journey as following motorway signs is pretty straight-forward but it's again just proving something to myself.

Appreciate your input trashbat, been incredibly helpful :)
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Postby TerryTibbs » Thu Jul 23, 2015 11:50 pm


Kimosabe wrote:You have already noticed changes and improvements in your abilities to do the things you've been discussing, so you must be doing something right. Rewarding positive behaviour is very important, so do something you enjoy (that's good for you), just for you and relate it to the work you're doing to help yourself. Might I also suggest that before engaging with any form of ongoing intervention with regard to this, that you first acknowledge and accept who you are, in this case while driving? It's not always necessary to be any different, unless you need to be and right now, you are who you are and that's good enough. There's your starting point. Be happy/ happier with who and how you are. Notice when and where you tend to overthink things and be patient with yourself.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes and to react and/or respond as you currently are. Just notice things you consider to be 'mistakes' and then notice how much value you give them. Perspective is everything. Notice how you respond to them, without interfering with them or berating yourself. Keeping a diary is a great way of helping yourself to reflect. This is to say that we all make mistakes that aren't necessarily related to any pattern of behaviour and while it's important to be aware of some of these patterns, in order to change them in part or as a whole, they need to be acknowledged in a healthy way ie not to be too harsh with ourselves for being who we are. Doing this may well lighten the load enough to give yourself some headroom, in which to develop new ways or entire patterns of doing some things. So be very gentle and patient with yourself, as i'm sure you are with others when they make mistakes. To err is human, after all.

Right, that's said. So the eventual outcome you want from this, is to be more relaxed, less anxious and more focussed. It may well be possible and just a matter of time, so don't rush into this, as doing so might well exacerbate any anxiety or negative processes that already exist. Small incremental and natural changes often have positive knock-on effects in other areas of life and personality. Be patient, tolerant and most of all notice and reward yourself for getting it right.

That's a good and healthy starting point. The rest will follow in its own order and of its own volition because you're creating the space for it to exist. Can you see how lightly and gently this can be worked into your everyday life?

Now don't forget to keep that diary upto date. Just write it all down as it come out. There's no right or wrong way to do that.

You do not have to answer this: May I ask who it was that diagnosed your anxiety disorder? Not their name, just their position relative to your own. What qualified them to diagnose an anxiety disorder and what did they suggest you do about it?


I've got this page bookmarked so I can come back and have a proper read of this post when it's a good time; it's clear that to become the best driver I can be the psychological aspect of my driving is the biggest difference maker, so from having a skim through the above I get the impression that I'll be able to take a lot from it. Much appreciated :)

I was given an unofficial diagnosis by my GP initially and referred to a specialist for a course of CBT which helped with some specific things but overall I think I'd need a brain transplant to change the way I think, as you said it's just the way I am as a person. I had a telephone assessment and then an initial face to face assessment before the CBT started and was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Without wanting to go into much detail I definitely believe it to be an accurate diagnosis, there's a lot more to it than just thinking/worrying about things too much. Was put on beta blockers to remedy a lot of the physical symptoms of it all if that gives you an idea. Driving generally isn't a source of anxiety for me and is often a nice release, just get stressed about not knowing where I'm going, but I'm certainly working on it and will likely incorporate some of your tips here.
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Postby trashbat » Fri Jul 24, 2015 8:11 am


TerryTibbs wrote:Was incredibly nervous before I set off but once I got going I was fine, kept telling myself I have the ability and knowledge to follow signs and markings to anticipate what's ahead, if I go the wrong way I'll just find a side road or a roundabout and turn back around, no problem. Not as if my SatNav hasn't gotten me lost in the past anyway :mrgreen:

...

Think a motorway journey without the aid of Google Maps or Sat Nav is on the cards soon, which I can't see being more difficult than a more local journey as following motorway signs is pretty straight-forward but it's again just proving something to myself.

Appreciate your input trashbat, been incredibly helpful :)

Excellent, really glad to read all of this. I can only ever give you a second hand, 'aerial view' of CBT, far less usefully than the real deal, but this whole method of exploring and poking at anxiety in real contexts is a really major part of it, as you're finding. It brings about your own automatic discovery & realisation, which for whatever reasons is a lot more powerful than (a) someone else telling you and (b) consciously thinking about stuff divorced from actually experiencing it. Maybe like taking ideas outside, exposing them to sunlight and seeing what survives and what turns into dust?

Keep at it, sounds really encouraging!
Rob - IAM F1RST, Alfa Romeo 156 JTS
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Postby petes » Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:09 pm


Horse wrote:
TerryTibbs wrote: Whenever I'm using my Sat Nav to guide me or road signs (i.e. I'm in unfamiliar areas) I tend not to drive so well.


I like maps - but (reluctantly) will accept the benefits of SN.

However, I found that the voice prompts went in one ear and promptly out the other. So now I parrot them back, out aloud. I try to match the instruction against what I can see, check for junction layout and signs etc.

However, as advised, get that map 'plan' in your head first, then only use the SN for very local, junction specific, advice.


I'm shocked and surprised that the resident techniphobe is reluctant to accept the benefits of satnav! If you recognise benefits, why be reluctant to accept it?
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Postby Gareth » Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:19 pm


petes wrote:
Horse wrote:I like maps - but (reluctantly) will accept the benefits of SN.

techniphobe

Your comment only makes sense if you had meant to write technophile.

petes wrote:the resident

Nice straw man attack.

petes wrote:If you recognise benefits, why be reluctant to accept it?

Maybe he thinks there are downsides as well, and that the balance isn't necessarily in favour.
there is only the road, nothing but the road ...
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Postby Horse » Sun Jul 26, 2015 10:22 pm


petes wrote:
Horse wrote:However . . .


I'm shocked and surprised that the resident [insert whatever word . . . ]


What on earth are you on about? :?:
Anything posted by 'Horse' may be (C) Malcolm Palmer. Please ask for permission before considering any copying or re-use outside of forum posting.
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